youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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