i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
