Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
false alarm, still single
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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