at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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