The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
