im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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