theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize