is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
