I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize