i just wanna soil my oats bro
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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