I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
