I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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