I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
