My room smells like vodka and shame
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
