In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
