He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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