Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
