I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
