Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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