Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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