I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
