Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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