She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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