found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
