she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
time to smoke my breakfast
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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