I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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