hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
