i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
