I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
