Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your penis caused this!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
