mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
