the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm passing your future prison.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
