I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
