Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
