I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
