the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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