My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
