I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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