There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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