Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
