Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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