Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it glows. i had to have it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
