I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize