Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
