I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
