how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
40s are totally the cure
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
