Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
