I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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