the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
