How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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