You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
