ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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