Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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