I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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