Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
