I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
