she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
