so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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