Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize