i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
