I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
