Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
