I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
