So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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