Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
