I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
wanna go halves on a baby?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
