we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
