i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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