I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
