I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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