Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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