I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Send help, water and tortillas.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
