You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
