My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
