So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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