i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
