Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
