I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
