How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
