it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
