I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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