i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
