If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize