Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I will pee on everything he values.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
