I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
