i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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