so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
