I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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