Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
