You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize