There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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